i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
