12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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