dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
