Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize