i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
