we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
