I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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