I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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