thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
