I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
