Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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