your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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