It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
