I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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