I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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