tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
