So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
