I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
