But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
