I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
