if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
