Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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