my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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