i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
