There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
