remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
