Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
