fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
