What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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