The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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