The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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