Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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