You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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