If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
