Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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