So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
