She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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