If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The uberlube is also flammable
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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