Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
