I could make wine with my vomit
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
