just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
