I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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