How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
