okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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