I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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