my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize