I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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