So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
