I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
