Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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