Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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