The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
