I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
