i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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