i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize