i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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