Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
