Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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