do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
