Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
