hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
