I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
